Saturday, March 13, 2010

Times of Parting

Love dies slowly. Like an ember. More strands of hair have turned grey – the right temple looks like a blooming cotton field. There is dust on bookshelves. Pens look pensive. Empty notebooks lie moth-eaten.

You called up the other day. You sounded tired. Perhaps if we were together, I could have made you some tea. Or I could have made you laugh over some silly joke. Or I could have just curled up next to you, holding your breast in my hand, kneading it softly till all thoughts ebbed away from you.

But I am away. You are away, and you must invent your own remedies. Or just learn to live with pain as I have. In the quiet afternoon, when the sunlight blinds one, I sit with my back resting haphazardly against a crumbling bean bag, facing a window dazzled with light. And I let Susheela Raman’s voice play games with me.

In times like these, earlier, I have run away from everything, taking refuge in hills or hemlock of whisky. Or both. But how many times will I run away? The hills don’t turn me back. But they make my pain so faint, I can no longer recognise myself in the mirror. Your pain gives me identity which the face never gave. So, as long as the pain is there, I can be anything. Like the rebel with a beard, which I sport these days, dreaming of such chaos which throws everything behind us. You and me.

In that chaos we will find each other. Then it will be only a matter of a cup of tea. Or of your breast in my hand.

18 comments:

Surbhi said...

second parting: so he writes his pain into letters, pouring his heart and his thoughts put one afternoon, dazzled by the effulgent light of sun. And she sits in the shade of a tree somewhere, drenching herself in his hands, his eyes and his words.

neeraj santoshi khar said...

I loved this piece.....esp the lines....Your pain gives me identity which the face never gave....

keep sharing. we love ur writing.....

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Aditya Raj Kaul said...

You have returned, my friend! Your writing reflects love, and the pain of longing.. give us more to read..

Anonymous said...

Something surely dies. Am not sure if its love. I have recently found my will to live, to work, to get up in the morning, to brush, to shave... anything, die. The 'alive' word looks so disconnected. I have looked forward to an ever-elongating cigarette (why does it have to end before the pain?)

Sometimes, I have hated to acknowledge the happiness I feel in each cell of my body when I am talking to her or am around her. But I cant deny how she makes me feel. Can I?

I want her, whereas she needs me - and that makes the whole world of a difference. But would she ever remember me during her lowest times. Although it would be burning to see her cry for someelse, I yet want to be there for her. I dont matter to me.

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Nikhil Srivastava said...

It's a painful but lovely feeling and I am also addicted to it.

starting with a cup of tea and ending with the same cup of tea...is amazing.

Ajay Raina said...

Brilliant as always.
Would recommend the below if you haven't already heard it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nuz_TTI-eV8

Anonymous said...

must have read this post many many times now. each time, it touches deep inside. wow...

(and thanks for introducing me to susheela raman. she is as poignant as the post)

PB said...

Aag se hum bhi
Guzar rahein hain abhi
Diwangi mein
Uchale the Kabhi
Hum safar
Saath tha jab
Toh Jalna
bhi gawara tha

Mud kar jab dekha
To jal rahein the akele
Socha na tha
is zindagi se itna milega
Ki raakh
ke bhes mein hi
Sookoon milega.

RICHA. said...

This pain is beautiful and addictive.
Even though i know i will burnt..yet i long for the fire.

Aditya Raj Kaul said...

I read this again today. Man, I am just at a loss of words.

Rahul said...

Hey, thanks, Aditya.

Kate said...

the mysteries of love will always be ...
and a cup of tea
delicious!

Anonymous said...

Dude! whats with the breast obsession!

Upasna said...

Like this. Also quite like the choice of the soundtrack and the tea.

Neelam said...

Hey, truly beautiful....

mirage said...

this is simply beautiful....
Rahul...you dont hide behind big difficult words to create a impressive facade. you dont actually need to.your expression n choice of words are straight and simple...and make a direct entry into heart of the reader. This is your USP....your honesty ..!!
Urvashi